Cool Yule Break

Long weekend ahead, with cheer, and tidings, and the like. The crazy never takes a holiday, but the theater does.

Enjoy the nog and the big falling ball, and thanks for joining us for the ride so far. More funny is coming. We'll see you next year.

I Know What I Did Next Summer

Yeah. Oh yeah.

You'd Better Not Pout

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Thump Day

It's Friday. Shake your icky ass.

Does Your Mother Know?

The inductees for the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame were announced. If you were given a choice between two bands, and could only pick one to call "rock n roll," would you pick these guys?



...or these guys?



Seriously?

Thanks, but No Thanks

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It Don't Make Cents

It's Friday. Get your motherfuckin' hands up.

I Want to Believe

There are moments when the mission of this Theater is very easy to achieve. Do yourself a favor and take some time out of your day to educate yourself on the Niburian Council. I swear to God this is real.

They are among us, and they have a marketing department.


As a tease, this nugget comes from the Mission Statement of the NC:

• To assist those who came to earth to be the teachers, healers and inventors who will usher in the 5th dimensional reality. Most of these individuals are starseeds, walk-ins and lightworkers. In this site you will find a vast repository of higher dimensional knowledge needed to help you remember and complete your missions, recode your DNA and ascend, while at the same time helping others to do the same. In addition, we provide you with emotional and physical support.

Hey, America. Your crazy is showing.

Ho, Ho, ho

A jolly happy soul, indeed.

How Do You Sleep?

Mark David Chapman is a prick bastard.

Cosell knew it. Koppel Knew it. We all know it.

We all shine on.



JL 12-08-80

Onward CHRISTian Soldiers

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Tryptophan Induced Indifference

Enjoy the weekend. The Doctor wants him some turkey.
Gobble, gobble.

Oh No! No O?

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Free World Friday

Forget Health Care. Forget Sarah Palin. Forget all the crap. Get up off your ass and rock the hell out.





PS - These 7 minutes may be the coolest in the history of MTV. They were most certainly the last time that channel was worth watching.

An American Life (or The Modern Prometheus)

We cannot blame Sarah for all of this.

Let that sink in a bit. I know it may seem incorrect, and your first instinct may be to tear your garments and shout in tongues (because, really, listening to that crazy harpie will do that to the best of us) but, as your Doctor, I must advise you to take this to heart.

Take yourself back to the halcyon days of early summer in the year 2008. The smell of inter-party primary love-fights wafted through the air, the tea-party fringe was still trying to figure out in which direction to move forward, and the McCain 2008 campaign was dead as a Patrick Swayze (who was still alive at the time.)

(btw- the rally clip above is well worth the 4 minutes of your time. Hell, the first 50 seconds alone are worth the price of admission. "I am fighting against freedom!" Somebody find this chick, please, and get her in bed with Glenn Beck.)

During those weeks, Sarah Palin was unknown to anyone other than a few inuit hobos and western frontier sports fans. Those were good days.

Then the crazy doctor came down from his castle. Hate Sarah if you must (actually, its quite easy) but blame McCain.

PS - on a completely selfish front, though, this chick will keep us knee deep in craze-inspired funny for decades to come, so thanks for the softball Johnny Mac. Still though, F you.

Not Just "Very Effective," but "Very, Very, Very Effective"

As the all-Sarah-Palin-all-the-time media blitz continues during her freak week of touring and interviews in support of her new book (while simultaneously providing the opportunity for effortless mocking and derision from a whole host of sources,) the recipient of our affection continues to pave new roads through crazy town.

That said, as one who operates this theater and needs material, please say this is true. Please, please, please...

Pretty please?

Dead or Canadian?

Ken Ober died, and with him, a big bit of our collective youth.

Answer: not Canadian. R.I.P. Ken.

The Girl Can't Help It!

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Don't Forget Your Jacket.

Friday's here. Shake it and be amazed.

You know, the departure of Holmes did leave an opening over at FOX...

Is he going to blame this job loss on illegal immigrants, too?

The Horror of Wingnut-on-Wingnut Crime

Even FOX is going rogue on her, but who knew she prefers it on the face?

See? The Yankees Don't Win Everything.

Get used to this. I sense a pattern.

By the way, Hell yeah!

The Future is Copywritten

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My Girl Friday

Friday fun day. Shake your ass.




If Scarlett is reading this, she can shake anything she wishes...

Get Ready for Spring Training

Anyone know why there was no World Series this year?

Weird.

Doin' it, and Doin' it, and Doin' it Well (or We're Off to Fuck the Wizard)

Your Doctor is never one to ignore the advice of the other medical personalities, even if they have been spawned from the loins of the great Oprah.

Dr. Oz, who follows Dr. Phil, and Dr. Rachel Ray, believes he has his finger on why the general American populous is so damn testy. Aristophanes put it to stage, yours truly examined it in digital black and white, and now the good Dr. Oz puts the topic right in your face, or some other body part, depending on what you are doing at the time. His prescription for our psyche? The old up and down.

I, for one, am liking this already. Wanna help the country? Saddle up, you kinky bitch. The spurs are optional, but preferred.

God Bless America.

Boo

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Trouble Brewin'

It's Friday. Booty shakin' time...

See, your resume is not so bad when compared to others out there...

Ever wonder what it is like to have a joke handed to you? Bingo.

Candy Everybody Wants

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Friday Foo

It's Friday. Get off your ass.

James Cameron has a Massive Boner Right Now

I am all for nostalgia and remembrance. However, thousands of visitors can walk through Gettysburg National Park and learn about the horrors of battle without anyone actually having to take a bullet to the groin. Also, I have learned to never trust luck or tempt fate, and certainly do not try both simultaneously. Now, if you take all of these ideas and mash them up in a smoothie blender of crazy, you are bound to wreck havoc on your weekend.

With that in mind, cue Celine Dion.

Captain, My Captain

Goodnight, sir. Rubber bands for everyone...

World Wide What?

Every once in a while, your Doctor has a fit of paranoid self-doubt and believes that the Theater tm is one of the least-interesting, worst-executed addresses to visit in the entire internet. Then I am directed to places like this.

I'm much better now. Michael Steele on the other hand...?

The ticket office is always open

If there was a position of Chairman Emeritus of this Theater, it would be held by Jon Stewart.

What do you mean it's not flat?

Happy Columbus Day, slackers.

Country First

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Instant Karma

Happy Friday. We all shine on...

One After 909

Our baby, the Afghanistan War, is nine today. How is that working out for you?

P.S. Russia and Britain send their best.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

Can a dude love another dude? I submit Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC.)

Now the real question is, how long before news of this really gets out and the RNC promptly shoves his head back up his ass?

The Euphoria of Low Expectations

O wow.

Out of Both Sides of Your Ass

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Friday Fixer

It's Friday. Move your ass.

Tin Foil Hats for Everyone

You would hope that this is parody. It's not.

Dora the Explorer

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Do You Know Why "Headlines" is Moderately Amusing? Because He Does Not Write Them.

Not to get too Mary Hart-y in this forum, but, concussion or not, you have to believe that Conan O'Brien thinks that Jay Leno is a total dick.

He Is Very Well Spoken

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